fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
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i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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