She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
