Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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