i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
