Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
