I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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