she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
