my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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