I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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