I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
