He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
