Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize