Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
