K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
