So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
