just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize