I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
