I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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