He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
