It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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