Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
