smell my finger.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
