This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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