You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
