bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
