I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
