He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
