I hate your face
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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