You work out of a Hotel?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
