Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
