is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
