if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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