I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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