i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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