Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
