if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize