Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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