If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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