I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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