these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
