It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
