Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize