at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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