That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
did i walk over a car last night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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