I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
