My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
