I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
