it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize