Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
