and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
