so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
