My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
