I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
