goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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