My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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