When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
