im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
