I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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