Don't make out with my wife yet
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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