So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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