I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
