I cockslap morals
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
