last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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