thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
