i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize