Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
