Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
