Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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