My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize