Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Are we still banned from the library?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
