Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
