remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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