I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
