That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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