i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
