Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
