do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
