So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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