I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
