i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
