she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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