I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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