her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
