Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
