just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
