I look better un-naked...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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