I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
