i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
