You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
