You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
