oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize