i love accidental penises.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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