He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
