idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
