woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
