just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
