In the future we'll all be gay
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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