A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
