who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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