even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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