life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
