I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
