i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
