she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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