I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize