Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
