No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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