he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize